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May 2005 A Sterling Reunion
by Joanne Jacobs Checking into the dorm after 25 years, classmates find ideal conditions to reconnect, reflect, and head home recharged.In the first years out of Stanford Business School, conversations center around the here and now: promotions, projects, hot deals, the next big thing happening tomorrow or the day after. By the 25th year, for MBAs who return for a class slumber party, the fun is discovering the complexity in each other’s lives and connecting on a deeper level with old friends. For three days in June after they’ve moved into the Schwab Residential Center, alumni/ae get together to catch up on the past 25 years. There are panel discussions, dinners, parties, campus tours, a women’s tea, a golf tournament, tennis, biking, swimming, and also the chance to stay up till 2 a.m. talking about the big questions: What’s really important? What comes next? Earlier in alums’ careers, reunion talk tends to focus on the climb to the top, says Steve Denning, MBA ’78, of General Atlantic Partners in Greenwich, Conn. At the 25th reunion, “we’ve begun to talk about the summit and about other things we might do as we come off the mountain.” Classmates ask each other about their not-for-profit work, Denning says. “That wouldn’t be a topic for the 10th-year reunion.” Business School grads are competitive people, prone to describe failure as “a different kind of success,” Denning says. But “a lot of that drops out” when people are hitting 50 and close to the peak of their careers. The question becomes: “What are you going to do with the last 30 or 35 years of your life?” The focus shifts to personal lives, families, and community service, Peter Spokes, MBA ’79, executive vice president of the National Center for Fathering in Kansas, observed in an e-mail. “People are in a very reflective mode at that point in their lives, and it’s good to get together with other people going through the same thing. It’s not quite like discussions with coworkers, church members, or neighbors, because you share the bond of starting out together.” The 2004 reunion for the Class of ’79 marked two decades of celebrating 25th reunions at the Stanford Business School. Attendees are still talking about the life transitions panel led by Dave Torrey, MBA ’79, of Growth Resources Partners in Palo Alto, at which panelists talked about their struggles, not just about their successes. Frieder Krups, MBA ’79, of Logistics Partners in Denmark talked about the sale of his family company, his rush to create a new company, and what he learned when his second venture went bankrupt. Talking about failures, Krups wrote in an e-mail, “has become much easier since I have detached from some of my old beliefs that only success counts. Also, being completely honest helps me to anchor the beliefs inside of me that ‘I am OK’ despite my failures, that they are part of a learning process.” Reaction was overwhelming, Krups wrote: “One classmate told me how fantastic he felt after listening to me. He had worried that he had not been as successful as other classmates, and hearing my story of ‘failures’ made him feel that we are all in the same boat, all on the same journey!” As people shared vulnerabilities, “they felt compassion and connection to each other.” Jane Gardner, MBA ’79, one of the panelists, agrees. After Krups spoke, his classmates felt liberated to talk honestly about “the hard times, not just the good times,” says Gardner, now a marketing consultant in San Francisco. “I talked about why I loved the work I did in advertising, how sad it was when my company changed, and how afraid I was to leave after 21 years. My classmates and their families listened intently to all the stories. No one makes it through 25 years without hard times and self-doubt.” Middle age brings perspective, if not wisdom, says Laura Carstensen, a
Stanford psychology professor who specializes in emotional development through
the life span. “Humans are good at reconciling where we are in our lives, even
if it’s not where we expected or wanted to be. What makes people anxious and
depressed is the climb. In the early years, there’s so much uncertainty. Am I on
the right track? Will I find the perfect mate? Once that’s known, people deal
fairly well.” Table-hopping at breakfast and connecting with classmates in conversations that went on from morning till night at the Schwab Center, Bobel talked to people she hadn’t seen since graduation. Compared to other reunions, this was “more intense as we tried to catch up with as many classmates as possible,” she says. The ’79 grads’ experience wasn’t unique, according to members of other classes. “Everyone who showed up for our 25th reunion seemed to have gotten past the point in their life where they needed to impress or apologize,” wrote Betsy Leichliter, MBA ’77, of Leichliter Associates Market Research in New York, in response to an e-mail survey. “Perhaps it was because by our 25th, so many of us had experienced the reality of major losses (investments, jobs, health, other personal losses) as well as great successes that may or may not have been what we envisioned for ourselves 25 years earlier.” The Class of ’77, at the time it was admitted, was considered one of the most diverse, she recalled. “What I enjoyed most about the reunion was seeing that our class’s diversity, open communication, and collective sense of humor were still alive and well.” Young people tend to think they can do, have, know, and be everything, says Carstensen. As they age, and realize the future isn’t infinite, people focus on what’s important to them, usually family and close friends. “People aren’t as eager to rush forward; they live more in the moment,” she says. Spending the reunion together at the Schwab Residential Center made those moments possible. “Having us all stay at the Schwab Center provided much more opportunity for interaction,” wrote Jeff Grubb, MBA ’78, of U.S. Trust in Portland, Ore. “Those 10-minute conversations can’t happen when you are with 1,000 other people.” Talking to classmates who tried unconventional careers or different ways of giving back to society inspired him to “rethink my career and life in terms of what others have done.” “The best part was staying at the Schwab Center—it made it so easy to party late, to run into friends over breakfast, in hallways, wherever,” wrote Stephen Reed, MBA ’76, of SDR Films in New York City. “There were just enough events planned to give us opportunities to do things together, yet there was still time to reflect, explore, or share some moments with close friends whom we had not seen in some time.” Linda Schuck, MBA ’78, “reclaimed some wonderful friendships that I had let slip away.” By the 25th reunion, “most people have faced pain and challenges in life—themselves, their parents, their partners, their children—and understand that love, persistence, loyalty, strength are the treasures of life. Each of us had followed a different path, straight or circuitous, seen different places near and far, and had different joys and sorrows so that every person I talked with had deep, genuine, and rich stories to tell.” “As students, there was some tendency to trumpet one’s own accomplishments or ambitions, and to interact with others primarily to the extent they could be useful—emotionally, socially, professionally,” admitted Ken Kobylenski, MBA ’76, who works for Solectron in Silicon Valley. By the 25th reunion, graduates were more interested in others, more willing to listen. Peter S. Kent, MBA ’77, of Insight Business Systems in Woodside, was surprised at how much he enjoyed his 25th reunion: “No competition (we’re too old for that now), kids are mostly grown and on their own, and people have taken some surprisingly different directions. We not only had the new CEO of KPMG (a dubious distinction in this day of corporate accounting problems), but also the new chairman for the National Endowment for the Arts. I’m not sure which MBA course prepared him for that distinction, but we loved the poem he wrote us about money. He did learn something in B school, after all.” It was the first reunion for Sami Suleiman, MBA ’79, who works for Commonwealth Financial in Maryland. He wasn’t going to go, but his wife talked him into it. To his amazement, he recognized almost everyone, without looking at name tags. Old friends remembered the same stories about their student days. “To say that the 25th reunion was a mind-blowing experience does not give it a fair representation. I was thrilled, exhilarated, and satisfied that my GSB experience was in fact what I always thought about it.” Chris Berkeypile, MBA ’79, who runs Organize Me Now in New Jersey, enjoyed her time so much she got together with Mary Bobel to organize an unofficial 26th reunion for fall 2005 in the wine country. Gardner offers advice for graduates who have doubts about attending their 25th reunion: Just go! “I know some people don’t go to their reunions, thinking all their classmates will be CEOs and wondering if they will just feel worse about whatever struggles they are dealing with in their lives. … Instead, you find out that many of your classmates are just like you: proud of hard-won accomplishments, rueful about the bumps along the way, devoted to family and friends, able to laugh at themselves, and looking to reconnect with other good people who were part of their lives many years ago.” |
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From 5 to 50: The Life Cycle of Class ReunionsThere’s the recurring nightmare that today is the final for a class you never went to all quarter. There’s the nickname you acquired at an orientation event and can’t shake. And then there’s the business deal that wouldn’t have happened without advice from a classmate. Regardless of where you are in life, there are things about your time as a student at the Business School that are with you every day and that help draw you back to alumni reunions. Reunion attendance has been rising steadily for the past five to seven years, says Lynne Reynolds, director of alumni relations. Graduating classes are larger, the Internet makes it easier to keep in touch, and the School depends on grads who help plan and recruit their classmates to attend. Four years ago, so many showed up at the fall alumni weekend that it was hard to find places to put them. So the 5th, 10th, and 15th reunions were moved to the spring and joined by a brand-new and very popular first-year reunion. The “young” reunions include lots of children and a carnival to keep the kids entertained. The “older” reunions are more likely to revolve around speakers, programs, and the homecoming football game. The 25th, the only residential reunion, is held in June, the week after graduation. As alumni/ae come back to campus throughout their lives, each reunion has a special character. 1st: One year after graduating, new MBAs still getting settled in their careers return to touch base with each other and network like mad. 5th: The 5th reunion has a high turnout since graduates still feel close to the School and to classmates, says Lisa Brown, associate director of student programs and reunions. They’re proud of their early successes and there’s lots of networking. 10th: The 10th is the stroller reunion, with many graduates bringing their young families along. Panel discussions focus on balancing careers and home life and investing for future security. 15th: Alumni are very busy at work and home. They’re also more secure about themselves. Fewer chests are thumped. “They’re starting to mellow a bit,” says Brown. 20th: At 20 years, graduates switch from the spring reunion to the fall celebration of homecoming weekend with the older classes. “At the 20th, they still think they’re young and they’re shocked to find themselves with the older crowd,” jokes Reynolds. Twenty years out, grads are successful enough that the talk starts to turn away from careers and toward other parts of their lives. 25th: The silver anniversary, the only residential reunion, draws graduates who’ve never been back to campus as well as alumni who’ve been deeply involved. At the 25th, grads are “much more honest” about their difficulties, Brown says. “At earlier reunions, they say, ‘I did this, I did that, it’s all great.’ At the 25th, they tell the real story.” They also ask each other: What are we going to do with the rest of our lives? 30th–45th: Post-silver and pre-gold, alumni are talking about retirement careers, community service, travel, and health. And Stanford football. 50th: Official members of the Half Century Club, alumni are invited to attend an annual event in the spring with others who are 50 or more years out of business school. The talk is of life lessons learned and new projects.
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