Title: Koch Presents "Aging Well" During Alumni Weekend
Video URL:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg-rWhajCrM
The following transcript is provided for your convenience, but does not represent the official record of this recording; it may contain errors and gaps. Please refer directly to the video recording itself regarding any question of content.

Copyright 2009, The Board of Trustees of the Leland Stanford Junior University and the Stanford Graduate School of Business
>>
[Clapping]
>> Well thank you Randy and thank you to all of you who are
here and this...
It's so exciting for me to be here, let alone to be
celebrating my 30th Stanford reunion with so many in my
class that I see out there and I still recognize.
Still can see, still recognize.
But I gotta tell you I would have never predicted that, 30
years ago when I was sitting out there, that I would ever be
standing up here.
That if I and even if I was standing up here, clearly the
topic would not be aging.
Um, I could have never predicted that I would have been, I'd
speak from Meyerstrober's Work Family Balance classes on
elder care.
That I would speak to Stanford faculty and staff on the
medicare prescription drug program.
Or that I would have written an article for Stanford
Business magazine on a subject that's become very near and
dear to my heart, which is creating moments of joy in the
elder care experience.
But probably most of all, I would have never predicted that
I would have felt that my greatest accomplishment was my
role as caregiver to my mother for the last 10 years of her
life.
So that was the elder care side.
But today we're going to wear the gerentologist hat and we'
re going to be talking about successful aging.
And I want to make you just as successful in this next phase
of life as you have been up to this point so far.
So that's my goal.
I want you to be successful in the next phase of life but I
will tell you, success is a very different playing field
from how you define success before.
And I can tell you that there is no correlation between
success in business and success in aging.
No correlation there.
But you are one up because there is a correlation with
education so the education that we did get 30-whatever years
ago here at Stanford is gonna put you one up in terms of
successful aging.
So some of the things I'm going to talk about today you
would have heard.
Some of them are common knowledge to you.
Some of them are going to be new.
Some of them may be a challenge to accept for you.
I'm going to be bringing some of the, there's alot of
thought leaders in the field of aging and very supportive
positive, positive aging resources here at Stanford that I'm
going to bring in to my presentation.
And then I'm actually going to show you some role models of
aging from my family and friends.
So you're going to see me with different haircuts, different
weights, as of this morning, somebody said, "Oh a different
hair color Esther," so maybe even different haircolors
today.
But these are the role models in my family but I am sure
that there are role models amongst your family and friends.
So I really want you to think about those people.
What is it, and I think you're going to see some themes
here, that these people have taken on in their lives and I
want to remind you to remember those people.
You know, I have a seven minute memory.
I'm lucky if I can remember something within seven minutes
of hearing it so you're probably not going to remember
everything I've said.
But I want you, those role models to be reminders to you
going forward.
So why don't we start here?
Successful aging.
I bet you think I came up because this is a business school
group.
Successful aging.
Actually, successful aging is indeed a gerontological term
and the American Gerontological Society defines successful
aging as not just to add life, add years to life, but to put
life into those years.
So I know if you went into a book store, not that they have
an aging section, but you'd see books on diet and fitness.
That's the "putting the years into the life."
That's the health, physical and mental health.
But to put the life into years, that's the emotional well
being.
You know mind, body, that's the soul.
And I love the word joy so to me, it's having a joy filled
life.
Whatever you, whatever words might fit with you.
But it's the emotional well being that's really the key.
And so as we push this envelope of a lifetime, it is less so
in our genes or in the stars, but it's really all about the
choices we make.
And lifestyle choices play a far greater role in successful
aging than genetics, wealth, or race.
So two top lines: it's emotional well being and it's
lifestyle choices.
So um, now for some of you, well let's get right in to it.
There's a few barriers to successful aging.
Denial and dysfunctional families.
You know if denial was a disease, the results would be
fatal.
I don't know what it is about human nature but there's this
gap between knowing and doing.
And you know what you resist does indeed persist.
What you want to do is narrow that gap and you wanna step
forward because frequently, the angst associated with denial
is far greater than the discomfort that might come from
acceptance and moving on.
And then although people may think that acknowledging aging
is giving in to it, I would say just the opposite.
Not acknowledging aging is giving in to it.
Because you lose options.
And there's an opportunity cost to those options.
It's an opportunity cost in terms of your emotional well
being, your health, and there could be a financial cost to
it too.
So what's the breakout strategy?
The breakout strategy is courage and I gotta tell you it's
gonna be, take less courage to acknowledge aging, think,
plan and act then it is for this gentlemen, who looks like
he's about 70 years old, I don't really want to try rock
climbing.
So there really isn't much courage to getting past this
denial gap but there is this denial gap.
And I would say that you're only hurting yourself.
It's kind of self preservation.
So my point to you would be, "If not now, when?"
So that's denial.
Let's talk about the next barrier.
The next barrier is family.
One of the first things I learned in gerontology school is
that aging is all about family.
Childhood is all about family.
Later, adulthood is all about family.
And families today certainly seem dysfunctional.
Now maybe, this is for most of my class here, this was, you
know, the norm.
Ozzie and Harriet, circa 1950s.
Okay so maybe it was romanticized a little for TV but what's
the reality tv show today?
I mean Ozzie Osbourne.
What kind of a family is that, you know?
[Laughing]
So um, family ties are less strong.
There's a mean generation that's replaced a nuclear family.
There's parent issues, sibling issues, divorce is higher,
and although people, the fact that people live in different
places may not be dysfunctional, but families that used to
be in the same communities operate more functionally.
So family ties are less strong and certainly respect for
elders has declined.
In this culture.
Not necessarily in other cultures but certainly in this
culture.
So what you have is that the primary support structure for
aging, the family, is broken.
So what's the breakout strategy here?
You know, it's forgiveness.
I see it time and again.
There needs to be more forgiveness in this world.
First of all, forgive yourself for whatever you did or didn'
t do in your life with your family and friends.
And then you gotta forgive others.
Forgive your parents for not being the parents you wish they
would have been, forgive your children for being the
children you would have wished them to become, and forgive
your siblings for whatever happened in the sand box.
Forgiveness, it really gives you back the present and the
future.
Because when you have a grievance and you're dealing in the
past, you bring it into the present.
And those present days were once your future days.
So really, forgiveness brings you peace and it brings you
back the present and the future.
And here I'd like to talk a little about some of the work of
Dr. Fred Lusken, whose the founder and director of the
Stanford Forgiveness Project.
He's known as an expert in the healing power of forgiveness.
He has a framework for forgiveness training.
If this is something you need to work on, his book "Forgive
For Good" is a wonderful model of this.
He also happens to be in the middle of a, um, online course
of forgiveness training.
He really did some powerful work with Catholic and
Protestant families in Northern Ireland.
And the research shows forgiveness positively effects
relationships, leads to less stress, people who are more
forgiving report fewer health problems, and people who blame
others for their problems have higher instances of illnesses
such as cardiovascular disease and cancers.
So learning to forgive is not only good for your emotional
well being.
It's also good for your physical and mental health.
And I'll tell you only forgiveness can produce a life
without regrets.
And it's not what you do in life that usually is regrets,
it's what you didn't do.
So I really encourage you to not wait to the "Ah-ha" moment
of what's important.
Don't wait to that "ah-ha moment" at end of life on your
death bed as to what's important in life.
You really want to learn it now, apply it to your life.
And that's really a lesson I learned with my mother.
We got to a point of forgiveness.
I never expect anything in return and I got the world.
And it does work.
And you know there's some other resources for this.
Mitch Albom, in his works on "Tuesdays With Morrie," talks
about what's really important in life, just one more day,
the five people you meet in heaven.
That's what you want to learn now and apply it to your life.
So let's move on.
Let's go to, for some audiences I say they're the seven
secrets of successful aging.
For this audience, it's the seven strategies for successful
aging.
[Laughing]
So, social networks are the elixir of life.
We are social animals.
And the most important relationship is indeed your spousal
relationship.
That is the most important one.
You hear of situations where one spouse dies and the other
spouse dies very frequently after that first spouse.
So it's that spousal relationship that's the most, that is
indeed the most important relationship but it can't be the
only relationship.
You really need to get out and make other friends,
particularly when you move out of the work force.
If your... and I'm talking about friends.
Not acquaintances.
So if your group of friends are really acquaintances from
the work force, that's not what's going to sustain you when
you're out of the work force.
So you really have to make other friends and you need to
make younger friends too.
Family by choice also counts.
It's important because families have, there's alot of
divorce, families are smaller.
Family by choice counts.
And actually the research shows that actually family by
choice counts better than family relationships because of
those dysfunctional families that I talked about.
So family by choice also counts.
And this is what my mother would say, this is my
grandmother's saying that my mother took on.
"To have a friend, you have to be a friend."
So again, I am not talking about acquaintances.
I am talking about being present in a relationship.
It's opening your heart and taking people in.
This is the love factor.
And um, two comments I wanted to make for, I'm actually an
example of that.
A woman who is divorced, not married.
I'm also, no children.
I also happen to be an only child.
There are probably other women that went into business that
have that profile.
You really have to think about what is your social support
structure for when you're older and you really need to think
seriously about that.
And then the other comment I would make for some of the men
in the audience, that typically it's the woman that is the
nurturer of relationships.
So if you are one of those people who might end up divorced
or your spouse dies, you need to think how you are going to
nurture those relationships in your life too.
So here's Lorraine.
Lorraine happened to be my client at Price Water House.
This is a picture of Lorraine, this was on her retirement
party invitation.
She was retiring at 80.
So this is probably when she was 79 after coming back from
Hawai'i.
Now Lorraine's... she has her family.
She has four children, 11 grandchildren, and I think 5 and
counting great grandchildren.
Everybody in this family wants to be with Lorraine.
Everybody.
And she even does bookkeeping work for one of her sons.
She's in the jazz club and she's in two sororities and she's
doing yoga and she's just totally, totally involved.
And even one of the cute stories.
The two fellows, two of her grandsons, the older one in the
front, older ones in the front row.
They both had girlfriends that were in her sorority.
So she just loved the idea that she, they were all sorority
sisters.
One time I called her on the phone.
It was a Wednesday night and one 16 year old from one son
and a eight year old from her daughter were over at grandma'
s having sloppy joes, doing their homework.
So this is the family structure.
They all live in the same area in San Diego.
This might have been more what you would have seen in
another generation but still very much intact.
So the next one is my friend Martha.
Martha is her fifties but I know that Martha is going to
successfully age because of the family.
She has a family but she really believes in family by
choice.
And what she says is, "A loving family is but an earlier
heaven."
And there are some people and I've, this is from Christmas.
There I am in the back there with my little hat with her
father.
And um, let's talk about the saying.
You are, she had her 50th birthday and so she invited her
closest group of friends.
175 people came to her 50th birthday party.
And there are really friends.
These are not acquaintances, these are friends.
But I'll tell you a story.
I gave an 80th birthday party for my mother and I told her
she could invite all of her friends.
She had a list of 175 people at 80 years old.
So for her 50th birthday party, somebody put a collage of
pictures together and here's what, I love this.
"You are an awesome person and we consider it a privilege to
call you a friend."
So Christmas dinner.
This is an example of a family by choice Christmas dinner.
One gentleman here, her father went to Stanford, and got his
Master's at Stanford and one Christmas brought home one of
his classmates.
That classmate has been having Christmas dinner with them
over 50 years now.
And then another one of her husband's, a classmate from
college.
Their family has been having Christmas dinner with them for
25 years.
And their son, Jason, in the back there, everyone was giving
toasts.
So Jason, I think he was like 10 or something, he got up and
he gave a toast to family by choice.
Those are the words he used.
I mean, it was incredible.
Even at the age of 10 he got the importance of family by
choice.
Okay now here's a different situation.
This is Doris.
Doris lived in the Skilled Nursing Facility where my mother
was and when I first met Doris she said, "I love all animals
and some humans."
She had pictures of cats and dogs and everything.
Had little socks with dogs on them.
But she was charming.
Now here's someone else who, Doris retired at 80.
She had to start work at 50.
Her husband became ill.
Worked for 30 years.
Was an assistant at Carmont High School.
Worked for thirty years, retired at 80.
But she had just a wonderful, outgoing personality.
Had no family but she developed this core group of people
that I, when I went to see my mother I would always go down
to see Doris afterwards.
I was not the only person who did that and other people,
after their loved one passed away, still came back to the
Skilled Nursing Facility just to see Doris.
So I gave you three examples.
More of a traditional family, more of a family by choice, or
someone who was alone who made, who established a friendship
in a different type of enviroment.
So number 2.
Take all those lemons and make lots of lemonade.
That's what people who have successfully done, who have
successfully aged done.
They make lots of lemonade.
This is that scene, the extraordinary in the ordinary or it'
s matured defenses or it's resilience.
"What's the worse that could happen to me?"
Because when you see the big picture, the glass really is
half full.
Maybe it's full and it could be overflowing.
And here I'd like to talk to you a little about the work of
the Stanford Center of Longevity and you heard, if you went
next door, you heard Dr. Tom Rando speak on some of the work
they're doing on stem cells.
That kind of science but they also do alot of research and
Dr. Laura Carstensen is the founder and director of the
center.
And she's out there to debunk the misery myth here.
Because the research shows that people over 65 aren't as
depressed as everyone seems to think.
As a matter of fact, the people who are the most depressed
are the 20 somethings.
And when you think back on it, things are probably alot
easier for you now that they were in the 20s.
So it's the socio-emotional selectivity theory and it makes
sense that as your time horizon shortens and you see the
end, you change what has value to you.
And you are more interested in emotional, emotionally
related activities and relationships.
And also emotional goals and your emotional skills improve.
You're less self centered.
You kind of go up Maslow's heirarchy of needs.
For me, the been there done that really makes sense.
You know you've been there and you've done that and there's
a lot of things you're not going to waste your time on or
energy or...
So it's a different life stance.
The other thing is the positivity effect.
That actually our brains have a tendency when we're older to
think more, you know, to eliminate the negative stimuli and
we will think more in the positive.
So there's actually research that supports this.
Laura is the author, has a new book out, "A Long Bright
Future" where she, she has an interesting section, I'm not
going to share it with you.
I encourage you to read the book, on work.
She has re-envisioned work across the years but her four
areas.
Nourish social relationships, work longer save more, learn
throughout your life and take care of your body.
And the Longevity Center is committed to bringing about
profound improvement, not just focusing at end of life, but
really improvement quality of life for people who are living
longer across the lifespan.
And here's some... so here's Marcella.
Marcella, I called Marcella my surrogate grandmother.
My mother was a teacher and Marcella happened to be the
principle at one of the schools that my mother taught at.
And this is taken probably after Stanford.
This probably in the mid 80s.
We would always bring her out for brunch.
And Marcella, she was born in 1900 and Marcella died at 4 AM
on 2000 in the new millenium.
And I know that she just wanted to make it to two centuries
and I know that she had a smile on her face when she got
there but she was going to make it to the year 2000 because
she was born in 1900.
Irish Catholic, went to church every day.
The best story I have about Marcella is that I took her out
for dinner one time.
And I purposely wanted to take her to a meat market because
I thought she'd get a kick out of watching the guys pick up
the girls and everything so I took her to a TGI Friday's.
[Laughing]
You know.
Hey come on.
These people.
They've got life in them.
85 years old.
Yeah.
She enjoyed going to the meat markets.
So then when I get her there, I'm really mysterious and I
say, "Well Marcella. I really brought you here because I
want to know your philosophy of life."
True story.
And not necessarily that she said it in this order but first
she said, "Well I eat pretty well.
You know I have steak and potatoes."
But of course a steak back then probably wasn't all marbled.
And it probably wasn't french fries.
It was, you know, baked potatoes.
"And I have a drink every once in awhile."
And actually sometimes Marcella would ask me.
She had a young boy from the neighborhood buy her groceries
but sometimes I'm the one who would buy her liquor.
So she'd say, "But you need to get me the whiskey in the
plastic container" because she couldn't hold the glass one
anymore.
So she drinks a little.
"Well y'know. I like a little drink."
And then she said, "You know, I don't worry.
I don't worry that much.
You know, I thought about it one day and I thought what's
the worst that could happen to me?
And then I really thought about the worst that could happen
to me and I thought, 'You know what? I can deal with that.'
And then I went on to think about what's the probability
that that worst thing is going to happen to me?
Then I said, 'It's probably never going to, it's never going
to happen.'
So why will I waste today worrying about tomorrow?"
You know I gave you the forgiveness.
Why take yesterdays and lose todays.
Here's somebody saying why worry about tomorrow?
I lose my todays.
So that's how she, you know, it's like, it's seeing the
world in a different, in different eyes.
The other thing is, they did a study on centanarians and
when somebody, people live to be 100, they've lost a lot of
things in life.
There's an ability to deal with loss.
So again there's this resiliency.
Mature defenses.
Because by the time you've been 100, you've lost family,
you've lost friends, you've lost physical abilities, mental
abilities, position in the work force, position in the
community.
But it's this ability to deal with loss.
You see the glass.
The glass is always half full or overflowing.
Another one is my Aunt Greta.
At this picture, my Aunt Greta is probably about 105 years
old.
She died at 107.
Aunt Greta, I was told, at her 100th birthday was wearing
high heels and dancing out there.
And in this picture she did have difficulty walking so she
was in a wheelchair but ladies.
She was wearing a cable knit three piece, beautiful
burgundy.
You can tell from the...
Beautiful burgundy three piece cable knit pantsuit.
With her pearl necklace, her pearl earrings, her coiffed
hair.
Coiffed.
Lipstick.
And I swear to you I remember her in black stockings and
ferragonel pumps.
If they had Vogue, and she had beautiful skin.
If they had Vogue for centenarians, my Aunt Greta should
have been on the cover.
But now Aunt Greta lived with a couple and Keith was the
husband so Keith would pick up her, she was in Nova Scotia.
Keith would pick up her drugs at the pharmacy and pharmacies
there also have a retail portion.
So she would call the pharmacist, give him her credit card
and have a little purchase that would go in the bag.
And she said, "Now Keith. Don't look in the bag," and of
course Keith did otherwise I couldn't tell you this story.
And it was Oil of Olay.
She has been, she could have been the poster child for Oil
of Olay and I've had other clients who have used Oil of
Olay.
Ladies.
I think we've got to go to Oil of Olay.
It really, we got some really longtitudal studies here.
It really works.
So dancing at 100 and Oil of Olay until, I'm sure, 107.
So point number three.
Live with integrity.
This is living by the golden rule.
Never forget to say thank you and when in doubt, forgive.
And I'll tell you the best example of, well, respect.
Other words.
Respect, gratitude, and grace.
Respect allows for acceptance, gratitude brings happiness
and forgiveness softens the heart.
The best example I can give of that is my mom.
My mother was, she was, the two words she used most of all
were "thank you."
She always said thank you.
The next three, and we were told, whether it was being in
the hospital or whatever senior living facility that we were
one of the few people that did say thank you.
Next three words she used were, "I love you," which were the
words I got the benefit of but I'll tell you that wasn't
words we used when I was growing up.
And how that started was my goddaughter in her teens, when
she'd leave me a message or whenever she'd talk to me, she
would say, "I love you Esther."
I got that on my message machine once and I kept it and it
just made me feel so good.
So I started saying that to my mother.
So this became the words that we used so much in later life.
One time my mother came to me and it was after she had
fractured a hip and she was in skilled nursing and I went to
see her.
She starts with, "Well I had a talk with majoromo today."
That was usually not my mother's tone.
Had had no idea what happened and majordomo was the
executive director of the skilled nursing facilities.
So, "Well mom. What happened?"
"Well I told him that the residents don't have enough
respect for the aides."
Not that the aides don't have enough respect for the
residents.
The residents don't have enough respect for the aides.
That's how my mother thought.
That's the point of being grateful.
Even when my mother got to closer to end of life, she was no
longer, she was not ambulatory.
She couldn't walk, couldn't move in bed.
She had to be fed.
She was happy and there was a smile on her face.
And there was a twinkle in her eye and I actually was at a
function, umm, actually yesterday for Golden Gate University
and it happened that, honoring a friend of mine as alumnis
of the year.
And it happened that the head of the um, the majordomo of
that skilled nursing facility, who's in rotary with my
friend was there.
And she even commented, "You know Esther. When your mom was
there, everybody loved seeing your mom.
We always got her dressed up but there was a joy.
I really felt that she lived as long as she did was the joy
she brought into the world and the joy she brought out in
other people."
So number four.
Start and end each day with a smile.
You know a sense of humor goes a long way and I gotta tell
you, grandchildren go a long way.
Any kind of young children.
I am leaving next Thursday, to go to, um my grandchildren,
girls 3 and 7 are in Boston and I go trick or treating with
them every year.
So I'm the cool grandma who goes in costume so this year I
have my Cleopatra, I'm kind of, Cleopatra outfit with my
black wig.
I always have a wig.
And I have a King Tut headdress.
[Laughing]
So anything with grandchildren is good.
And don't take yourself too seriously.
You know, really.
Don't take yourself too seriously.
Particularly in the next phase and make sure you have some
fun.
Whatever your definition of fun is.
Now this isn't fun to me but I have to have something here
for the men in the audience.
This may be absolute fun for you.
So whatever it is, make sure you have some fun.
You've seen the extraordinary in the ordinary and I will
tell you the time value of joy.
It only takes a moment.
When you think about those really important points in your
life, they were moments.
So take time for those moments of joy.
So here's Marcela again.
This is a picture of my former boyfriend, some of you might
remember him, and Marcela and this is my Annie B.
And we would always, we would generally go out usually to
brunch.
And so we'd stop frequently, frequently stop on the Marina
green and go kite flying.
So here Marcella looks a little older so maybe she's like 87
and I'm, my aunt would have been in her 80s and I just love
this picture.
You know 87 years.
Whoa!
Have fun.
Another story to tell on Marcella.
She also liked to go to this restaurant, Senior Pico's, that
used to be where the McCormick's and Coletto's is now?
At the Ghirardelli Square?
It wasn't for the view.
It wasn't actually for the food.
But it was for one particular dish because she loved to
order this dish.
Son of a bitch stew.
[Laughing]
And so we would never give Marcella, "Marcella what would
you like?"
"Son of a bitch stew."
She just loved that.
[Laughing]
And one time, we'd like to go to Balboa Cafe and we always
had Ramos Fizzes and one time the waitress came around to
take our order and she's just, "No. We'll have another
Ramos."
And one time she was a little tittering as we came out and
we had great fun.
Okay.
Diet and fitness.
Number five.
This is common sense.
I gotta tell you this is common sense.
Eat nutritiously.
Exercise regularly.
Eat nutritiously.
Low on sugars, low on fats, low on salt.
Vegetables.
Fruits.
Vegetables.
Whole grains.
Exercise regularly.
150 minutes a week.
Moderate exercise, preferably 30 minutes a day.
At least five days a week.
Regularly.
Moderate aerobic exercise.
No vices.
No smoking.
No drugs.
Alcohol in moderation.
[Disappointed sound]
[Laughter]
Alcohol in moderation.
And I'll tell you subjective health is key.
This frequently comes up.
Subjective health.
Great example was my mother.
She would say, "You know I'm in good health, I'm in good
shape for the sh-, How are you doing? I'm in good shape I'm
in."
She had so many things wrong with her but that's not her
perception.
Perceived health is key.
So here's the-, I love this one of the Mediterrannean diets
pyramid and part of the reason I really love it, if you
notice on the very bottom, the base is exercise.
Exercise is key.
So here, I want to share with you some of the work of Dr.
Jim Fries, who is professor of immunology and rheumatology
over at the Stanford Medical Center, really considered the
grand-daddy of positive aging at a time when most literature
focused on the failure of success in aging.
He looked at it a little differently and felt that, you
know, if you could push out, you know, you can only push out
like Tom mentioned, you can only push out human life so far.
But if you can push the onset of a disability, you've
compressed the period of illness or disability.
So it's the compression of morbidity theory which Jim is
known for and which the research does indeed pan out.
Three primary prevention techniques.
Common sense: no smoking, no obesity, exercise.
That alone and he's done studies with runners about our age
significantly pushed out the onset of chronic disease and
have found that even with people like runners, it doesn't
necessarily mean that they have more injuries even though
they're doing the running.
Then the rest of the population.
Some geriatricians, doctors, some people will say in our
field, that diseases of aging are really not of aging per se
but are of disuse.
Exercise is really a key element to this.
Let me tell you what the Alzheimer's Association says.
Heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke can
increase your risk of heart disease.
Adopt a brain healthy diet, physical exercise because
essential for maintaining good flow to the brain as well as
encouraging new brain cells.
Mental activity to keep you sharp.
A low level of education does relate to a higher risk of
Alzheimer's so this Stanford education was good for you.
Social engagement.
Social engagement, interaction maintains brain vitality and
isolation is related to a higher risk of Alzheimer's.
Alzheimer's Association would also say that exercise is more
protective against Alzheimer's than any of the drugs,
Alzheimer's drugs, currently available.
So exercise is key.
The Stanford Health Improvement, Stanford has a health
improvement program.
It's primarily, it's like their employee assistance program.
It's generally for staff and for families and retirees.
However I spoke yesterday with Wess Alles who runs the HIP
program, because I said, "You know can alumni go?"
And he says, "Sure. They can come. Your group can come."
So if any of you are in this area and take a look at the HIP
programs on their website that say you're an alumni, you
came to this session, you can take advantage of those.
So, let's talk about, so here's Al and Napoleon.
Napoleon's in the black, Al's in the white.
I happen to, there's a bike ride along the bay where I go.
I've seen Al and Napoleon for years.
And so finally, a couple of years ago when I was doing this
bike ride, I decided to- you know each time I go by it's
like this gerontologist in me needs to say something.
So finally I stopped and said, "You know I think this is
great. I see you guys out here all the time."
So I decided I'd add them to my speech a couple of months
ago.
I stopped them and asked them if I could interview them.
So interesting story with Al and Napoleon is that they are,
they met walking in 1997.
They've been walking together 3 days a week since 1997.
They are both 78 years old.
And when Al was in his late 40s, he- Oh I asked did you guys
exercise alot when you were younger.
Well Napoleon did.
Al didn't but he gave me the story, "You know I was in my
late 40s."
And he worked downtown San Francisco.
"And I just found that those lunches were too big and I felt
I was getting fat and so instead of eating these big lunches
I decided to walk at lunch."
So he started walking at lunch in his late 40s.
And then I asked Napoleon about, well I don't know, we kind
of got in to this question about "What did you eat for
lunch?"
He said, "I don't smoke.
I don't drink.
I've always had a lot of fruits and vegetables.
I would always have fruits and vegetables when I was
working."
Which I thought was really pretty amazing.
You know, 78 years old.
They kind of got it, a lot of this is common sense.
They got it early on.
But there's some other things to tell you about Al and
Napoleon.
Napoleon's been married for 56 years.
Al's been married 47 years.
And I would also say that there's a social interaction on
these walks.
Let's call it the Great Debates.
It's happened that this is where they debate social issues,
political issues, when they're out on the walk.
And also some things.
Al was in management and Napoleon was in the union so they
get into these things but they always-
[Laughter]
But they have a smile on their face.
You know it's just this interaction.
Mental interaction.
And that's a wonderful thing when you can combine the
physical exercise, the mental exercise, the social.
Put it all together.
The next person I want to talk to you about is Ed.
Now Ed got his... actually Ed is in the audience.
Ed got his Master's degree in Applied, Applied Mechanics?
Applied Mechanics here at Stanford.
But then kind of fell in to teaching.
Didn't want to work in the weapons industry.
Fell in to teaching at Ravenswood, which led to a 30 year
career as a teacher, primarily as a high school teacher, in
math.
And this is Ed, actually just a couple of weeks ago, because
every year for like the last 15 years, he and a couple of
guys go on this hike in the Sierras.
And they hike in about 12 to 15 miles, in and back.
They're out there for about eight days so that's probably
about 7 miles a day, of hiking and this is how Ed breaks
wood for the fire.
So he just gets the biggest, a boulder, and he just throws
it on the wood.
This is how Ed breaks wood for a fire and then afterwards,
afterwards, Ed does some yoga.
Now sorry, it's a little out but then he'll do some yoga
out, you know, after he's done these 7 mile hikes and
whatever, then he does yoga out here.
Now the other thing I have to tell you about Ed, you can't
really tell from these pictures, but Ed just had his 69th
birthday last week.
And now you might say that Ed had maybe some genetics in
here.
I don't think it's genetics but I would say it's role models
and I would say there's an education factor here.
But I don't know if you've heard of the Delany sisters, who'
ve written- lived over- um Bessie.
Sadie's sitting down.
She passed at 109.
Bessie's leaning over her.
Bessie passed at 104.
It happens that Ed's mother was their younger sister.
But I think that set role models.
I want you to think of the role models in your family.
I think it's not so much genetics as it was role models in
his family.
And so what Bessie and Sadie would say is, here's what they
say about exercise.
"We get up with the sun and the first thing we do is
exercise.
God gave you only one body so you'd better be nice to it."
And for the last 35 years of their life, so if you're 105
minus 35, so you know 70, they've been doing yoga.
I couldn't find a picture of it but in their book, you can
actually see these yoga stances.
So that must have, maybe that's what came through, again by
seeing them.
And actually, when Bessie is going to be there ready for Ed
in heaven and they're going to dance together at those
pearly gates.
Next one.
How will you paint your canvas?
This gets to kind of using your mind.
A future awaits you at any age.
Be creative and learn new things.
Discover the wonder with passion because this is hope.
This is hope for the future.
There is a future.
A future awaits you at any age.
My best example I can give you for this is Lithia.
Now you would think that this is Lithia's birthday party.
It sort of looks like someone gave her flowers for her
birthday and my friend Randy is her niece and this is Larry,
Randy's husband.
But actually, in this picture Lithia is 92 years old but
this actually wasn't her birthday.
This was actually her graduation last year from college.
[Laughter]
She graduated with a degree in English Literature and a
minor in Music and she lives back east and the biggest
turmoil in her mind was the school that she wanted- the
school where she got her undergraduate degree didn't have
the Master's degree that she wanted.
So if she wanted to get her Master's degree, she'd have to
go across- cross the Hudson River and she was trying to
figure out a bus schedule.
[Laughter]
Education at any age leads to successful aging.
So.
Okay last.
It's not ultimately about you but it is to start.
You really have to be your own best friend because if you
don't value yourself enough you're not going to do these
things that are best for you.
This is what gets you past the denial.
You value yourself enough.
But then, it's not all about you.
You have to let go of self and you transcend into a greater
purpose of life.
And this is that civic engagement.
This is the giving back in the world.
And you want to pass on to the next generation.
This is the generativity that you know, as we become older,
we're passing on to the next generation and getting beyond
ourselves up Maslow's heirarchy of needs.
Actually wait a minute.
I want to end with a story on Ed that doesn't have a
picture.
But Ed got in to meditation some 30 years ago.
He said it really changed his life.
And when you interact with Ed, Ed is totally present to you.
And there's a calmness and a peacefulness that you sense
when you're with him but he is totally present.
So the way Ed gives back now, he has four, four
grandchildren, I think it's four, four grandchildren.
And he tells me the one story where, and totally present,
his one little granddaughter opened his eyes one morning.
"Grandpa! Are you up?"
>>
[Laughter]
Totally present and very calm to that.
But more importantly, Ed has been on 30 day sits, 40 day
sits, several 30 day sits, 45 day sits in the silence.
He just came back from Donaldson Prison in Alabama where for
the third time he has done a class with prisoners to teach
meditation.
He just came back from 10 days in the silence with prisoners
in Alabama.
So that's another way of getting beyond yourself and giving
back.
The message is, "The choices you make will indeed determine
the life you live and a joy filled life really is your
choice and it can be there for you."
So in closing, I would like to say, "May your life be filled
with no regrets.
May you see the extraordinary in the ordinary.
And may someone be there to brighten your world as you age."
Thank you.
>>
[Clapping]
>> Now I see that we do have a little time for any questions
if there are any, I'd be happy to answer them or there's a
luncheon that awaits you outside and time to interact with
people.
>>
[Laughter]
>> One thing about caloric restriction.
Excuse me?
Caloric restriction.
Actually that has been shown in mice.
That's another way that they do feel that has an ability to
extend life but as Tom spoke earlier today, there's not a
feeling- there is a feeling that there's a life expectancy.
You know we're not here to push human life to 200 years.
But definitely caloric restriction, which also falls in life
with these, you know, keep your weight under control, don't
be obese.
It's pushing it further.
So yes. Caloric restriction would be a more refined one just
as people who have a real low fat diet would be a more, you
know.
Yes.
>>
[Inaudible]
They did.
Well that's wonderful.
Support your troops.
Getting involved.
Getting involved.
>>
[Inaudible]
>> Yeah.
>>
[Laughter]
>> The question was, "What about introverts?"
Actually this idea, being independant in our culture.
You know, "We're going to be independant, we're going to do
it."
This is kind of the cultural norm of being independant.
That is not best for you when you're aging.
So someone who's an introvert, I would say step by step try
to get out to more people and I would recommend you do it
more one on one.
That you look at it in terms of those more meaningful
relationships on one on one rather than think that you need
to make the friends of thousands.
That's what I would say for someone who is an introvert but
I would say it's not a successful aging strategy.
>>
[Laughter]
>>
[Inaudible]
>> You know, actually that's a good point.
You see it frequently as an elder care advisor.
You certainly see it frequently with older people, having a
companion, and yes the love and affection for an animal can
really be supportive to an individual.
Very true but I would not, I wouldn't replace people with
the animal.
I would supplement people with animals in your life.
Yes?
>>
[Inaudible]
>> Right.
>>
[Inaudible]
>> It's a question on hording but that's actually an elder
care question which I'm happy to discuss afterwards but I
was going to stick on aging, successful aging today for
questions.
Esther, you talked about the importance of forgiveness.
Forgiving yourself for, no, forgiving others about them not
being the parents you wanted or whatever.
What about the importance of asking for forgiveness of other
people as far as releasing a burden from you?
Say it again?
Asking other people to...?
To forgive you.
Maybe you decided that you haven't been the best daughter
you could be or the best sister?
You know you can't modify other people's behavior so I think
the fact of you forgiving yourself, that really becomes key.
It would be great if you could but you can't depend.
Then you're pushing it out to somebody else defining you.
So the real key is to get the forgiveness within yourself
regardless of what that other person might feel.
One more question.
One more question?
>>What do you think of youth, use it or lose it?
>> I agree with it.
Exercise.
The key for this health, mental and physical health is
exercise.
The key for emotional well being is social support, social
interaction.
So use it or lose it, absolutely.
Inactivity.
Yes.
Go for it.
I think that's it.
>> I'm class secretary for the Class of '79 and I'm subbing
for Randy Livingstone who had to leave.
And I want you all to thank Esther for this.
>>
[Clapping]
And on behalf of our class of 1979 who is honored to bask in
the reflective glory of Esther.We have a gift for her and
thank you all and thank you Esther.